Interacting with difficult family members…

Here is a common scenario: You have a breakthrough in therapy when you’re able to confirm all the ways your family has mistreated you and how that mistreatment impacted you emotionally. This can be such a validating and freeing experience. It’s normal to feel like you want everyone to know or to seek revenge.

BUT WAIT! While confronting a person with whom we’ve had conflict *can* be an appropriate option, a lot of times we don’t get the outcome we’re hoping for. You don’t owe anyone an explanation or justification for your feelings, but it makes sense that you would want to tell people about how they’ve affected you.

Here are some ways to prepare for interacting with difficult family members:

Get in touch with your emotions: Yep, be in those feelings! See what comes up. How might a confrontation and their reactions make you feel? Determine if there’s a way to offer yourself the love and care you need. 

Set boundaries: How do you want to communicate with your family moving forward? What’s okay to talk about? Are you considering limiting or ending contact? How will you end an uncomfortable conversation?

Check your expectations: What if you don’t get the closure or validation you’re hoping for?  What’s your “bare minimum?” For many, it’s just being heard. Others may want an apology. Be careful your expectations don’t lead to more resentment.

Plan for safety: Imagine an outcome that would cause the least amount of harm. What will you do after a stressful interaction? How will you keep yourself grounded around others? What coping techniques will help you take care of yourself?

Remember: You have choices! It’s okay to take your time and look at all possibilities. When in doubt, talk with a supportive person like a friend or therapist if you’re not sure how to approach a difficult family member.

If you’re struggling with navigating a difficulty family relationship, you can contact me here.