Ask for what you need.
“Ask for what you need.” A colleague recently said this to me, and I’ve been thinking about how asking for support sounds simple, but it’s not always the case.
We've all needed help and we've all had difficulty asking. Needing help can bring up feelings of guilt, shame, and insecurity. Plus, if you’re having a particularly hard time, you may prefer isolating versus talking about it. Sometimes we’re not sure about what we need, so we don’t know what exactly to ask for. You might need help asking for help and that’s okay.
Try these 3 steps the next time you’re in need of support:
Identify your needs: Get clear by asking yourself things like "what emotions are coming up for me lately?", "what feels most urgent for me?", "what does my heart need?", "what would make me feel safe?"
Consider your network: Write a list of who can help. Who can you go to when big emotions come up? Chances are someone out there wants to show up for you. If you’re having trouble identifying appropriate folks right now, consult with a supportive person like a therapist, spiritual leader, support group or telephone counseling line.
ASK! You've done great work so far. Now let's get those emotional needs met! You can start your conversations like this:
“I'm feeling ___ right now and I need___"
“I could really use ___. Do you have a moment to talk?"
“Can I talk to you about what's going on with me?”
It's normal to be nervous about saying you need support, so it may be helpful to share "this isn't easy to say..." or "it's hard for me to talk about stuff like this."
"I shouldn't HAVE to tell people I'm in need, struggling, etc." I know. I hear this often and I even think it to myself at times. It would be easier if people were mind readers but, in most cases, if we don't ask for help, we won't receive it. Reaching out to folks gives them an opportunity to show care and you an opportunity to be cared for.
REMEMBER: Asking for help is healthy. Asking for help shows strength. Asking for help counts as taking care of yourself.
You’ve got this! You deserve support and you can get the help that you need.
If you’re struggling with asking for help and would like to know more about how clients work on this in therapy, contact me here.
